A Few Words to Fill a Sad, Sad Void… Or, some verbal trailers, if you will.

So – yeah.

I’ve not been overly proliferiffic of late.

But there are things on the horizon – OH READER! The metaphorical horizon is metaphorically littered with articles and bluedogposts and ideas for articles and blankhogposts!! These may look like insignificant dots from you’re standing (if they’re visible at all, especially to the young lady with the restricted view from behind the pillar at the back – next time fork out the extra few quid for a proper seat!) but in not too much time at all I hope they will sitting on this webface with disconcerting pride.

These are just a few of the things looking to squelch out of the pipeline in the coming hours, days and weeks:

Arise, Ms. Bullock!

1. A long overdue assessment of the filmographic works and humanitarian achievements of Ms. Sandra Bullock.

2. An in-depth discussion of the postmodernist narratology which pervades the musical output of Mr. Owen Pallett, of Toronto, Canada.*

Robin Hood fell ill - Mr. Pallett dons the tights!

*Mr. Owen Pallett’s latest album, ‘Heartland,’ was called a “firecracker of an album” by Pope Benedict the 16th, and “the soundtrack to my life getting really good then falling apart far too quickly” by Pope Benedict the 16th. These rave adulations make an assessment of Mr. Pallett’s literary value particularly pertinent.

3. A guest feature! The Paris Review has kindly donated an overlong and overtedious interview with an author, whose talent is only matched (and possily even superceded) by his obscurity. Tune in to find out who! (special prizes for the young scamperoo who can guess! Who says literature can’t be more fun than a parade?)

4. A review of page 53 of ‘Don Quixote’; the Cervantes version, not the Menard.

5. A tantalising teaser of Andy Johnston’s forthcoming, sure-to-be-earth-shattering novel, translated into Russian and then back into English.

6. The full publication of the above author’s Bewilderbliss-printed story (which was met with a belligerently hostile review within the four walls of this ettablisement), but with a twist! The English has been translated into Portuguese, and the Portuguese has been translated into English.

7. A 15,000 word description of my face.

Watch out! You’re drooling on your keyboard with anticipation!!

Love

P. R.

A casual manifesto (outline, and colouring in)

I am the person who needs no introduction.

[…] & this is a landmass of the cybersphere I have claimed for myself, and propose to fill with words (long ones and short ones, picked indiscriminately).

Aside from a wife (to whom I owe everything), they’re all I have. This is as personal as I will get. This is also as pretentious as I will get (I hope – otherwise, shoot me).

Some of the treats to look forward to in the coming months and years include:

• Reviews of page 53s from any novel I/you/she can think of. (i.e. I will read page 53 of a novel, and nothing else, then write about it, and maybe give it a rating)
• Reviews of albums, films, books, sensations, people – as & when.
• Works of fiction and non-fiction. (No poetry)
• Pictures with colours and shapes in them.
• Snide or flattering comments about people I know, but whose names have been changed, so as not to damage their integrity or fragile sensibilities.
• Newstastrophes, as & when they happen to encroach upon my day.
• Your chance to contribute! (only for me to take the credit…)
• Competitions with intangible prizes!
• Links to matters of great concern!!
• Discount offers on goods and services rendered!!!
• An overabundance of exclamation marks.
• Abrasive sarcasm.

Love,

P. R.